I've been a dad for about 3.5 years. Watched one new born develop into a happy, fearless, loving and mostly courteous little girl. Next in line is a boy who is slowly turning into a toddler. He is quite loving too and hero worships his big sister.

Today I was listening to Neal Conan on "Talk of the nation". Today's topic was "Learning to be a Father" where the guest and callers spoke about the steep learning curve of being a dad. Also, this morning Tricia mentioned how Mukti was struggling(?) with being a new mom. Mukti assumed that it would be a lot easier for her than other people because she took care of Shay, my nephew from birth till she got married about a year or so back. Now, what I say "took care of Shay", I mean she helped my sister with many things and was there for her when needed most. My sister certainly appreciated the help. Also, I have been speaking to a colleague who is expecting triplets and Tricia and talk about how much work it could be...

All of these things made me think of how to try to raise two happy children. My hypothesis is that happy children make for well adjusted adults. So lets list it out.

1. Help them understand what is appropriate behavior.
Tantrums and meltdowns are common with kids that age. That is how they express their displeasure. I smile easily and often. I show them when I'm happy and hug them often. They see that and respond back. Sometimes they may not want to, I solider on. Usually, grumpiness loses.

2. Boredom is normal
I see parents put kids in front of the TV, game console & electronic toys that stop them from exploring. There are plenty of studies that prove that the child's development is being limited. But it's easy, right? What we did is put the trike, push car, easel and a few balls in the backyard. The kids go out there and ride, push, walk, paint, draw and so much more. You do not need to entertain them all the time, let them create their own entertainment. Arjun just sits on the lawn in the backyard and watches birds, chipmunks and airplanes. Only recently, can he tell the difference between the 3.

3. Involve them in "adult" work i.e. child labor
Eve is my little helper/slave when I do any work around the house, wash the car etc, edit home videos, work on my website, clean, do laundry and much more. She is thrilled to be a part of adult activities and tells Arjun, "When you're older, you can help too". She helps Tricia water the garden, plant new plants, fertilize and more. Of course stay safe, never have them help you around power tools or anything that has sharp edges or poison in it. Yup, follow your natural instinct.

4. Show 'em how happy you are to see them
As soon as I walk in the door after work, I make sure I go to them and give them a hug, kisses and ask them what they did. It's not always easy because I'm obsessive compulsive and need to put my stuff in the right place. Make sure the living room is cleaned up etc. But, they are much more important.

5. Friday night is sleep with Mama/Baba night
Eve looks forward to Friday when she can sleep with us. It's a special little thing we do to make her feel special. Plus, I love seeing her little sleeping body next to us.

6. Not all entertainment happens outside home
We make sure that we do interesting things at home and involve them in it. For example, for our anniversary, we made sure that they were involved in the candle light dinner. It was a special night for her. She also helps us cook, paint and other things that will entertain her. This sounds a lot like #3, but here we are doing entertaining things rather than chores.

7. She makes some rules
This one we've not quite implemented but are working towards. One of her rules is that she must go with me if I decide to go pick up bagels for breakfast on a weekend. I don't want to be the overbearing parent who makes all the rules, I want them to think about rules they can set, that we follow.

8. I let them know that they are more important than work
I work from home on Fridays and try to make sure that I spend time with them over lunch and during the day when I would normally take breaks at work. They like to sit on my lap in the office chair as I spin around. All they need is 5 minutes and they are ready to continue with the rest of the day. Similarly, I don't touch my laptop after I get home from work and till they go to bed.

9. Create special things to do
I'm quite a bit nuttier than Tricia and I do oddball things most of the time. This usually involves the kids. We listen to rock from the 70's & 80's and I teach them the words. Not so much Arjun yet. So, she can now sing a bunch of weird songs like "Mr. Roboto" and "Bicycle" Race". I love it, they will be "those" kids. Plus, I do a lot of horsing around and they love it.

These are things that work for me. Other things work for Tricia. Maybe she will write about how she raises such happy children considering she does 80% of the raising. I just show up to take the glory and grill some meat.

Labels: Arjun, Eve, Musing, Parenting